presentations I have ever put into turmoil. Whenever I meet someone who loves a loved one, I feel the test and shoot on terror "will not like." Yet I
sono abbastanza in gamba per la media della gente che circola in giro. Sono una persona estremamente intelligente, acuta, sensibile, piena di rispetto e anche simpatica in tutto il mio sarcasmo. Nonostante questa consapevolezza, ogni incontro con qualcuno a cui qualcuno che amo è legato, vengo aggredita da ansia di piacergli e ottenerne approvazione.
Sottolineo che ciò accade solo con persone a cui le persone che amo sono legate. Dunque l’ansia non si sviluppa a ogni nuovo incontro. Un incontro qualsiasi lo vivo con maggiore serenità. Se ti piaccio bene, se non ti piaccio tanti saluti.
La famiglia di Ale era un esame importante. O meglio, era una serie di esami importanti da superare. C’era sua sorella, c’era a brother, there was a mother, there was a grandfather, father and cousins. Then they were joined by family members but this was later. So once you accept the first slice of the family, the anxiety has decreased with the rest.
I can say in hindsight that the family of Ale is a true family-Sardinia Senegal. Everything revolves around the figure of a mother who manages the house, think of the dear grandfather, education, work endless hours and is done in a thousand pieces for his children. There is a daughter-sister who helps her mother in every way and psychologically dependent on any word or need this figure. Any decision of the great mother, is accepted by all with great respect and just maybe sons dare oppose it, but with sharp arguments and not a few discussions but never disrespect.
I was not used to living in a family. I mean a real family, where everyone has more or less say, where we discuss everything, where the dialogue is an important source of comparison in any event, where everyone can tell her to another family member, where it grows together, where the individual so in view of the family agreement, where if one has a problem, the whole family will be made aware and privacy is minimized.
This new type of family scared me to death. That's a human being become visible to all members of this family. Perdo la mia trasparenza, tutti si avvicinano a questo nuovo membro, che sarei io, con curiosità, con spirito esaminatore, con desiderio di capire se Ale avesse fatto la scelta giusta. D’altra parte, chi mi aveva mai vista prima?
Facevo parte di un gruppo di fans del suo gruppo che nell’estate 1993 suonava al campeggio di Cala Gonone. Il nome del gruppo era Mucchio selvaggio. Di selvaggio c’ero io, che gridavo a 1000Watt a ogni pezzo. E i miei cugini. I miei cugini sono un pezzo fondamentale della mia storia. Mi hanno aiutata a crescere in un momento in cui la mia famiglia d’origine s’era spenta, nel senso che non mi dava più nessuno stimolo. Per tutta l’estate del 1993 io, Simona e Alessia non We lost a gig Wild Bunch. We used to make a stop at the Owl, to drink two beers, and run up to the campsite for 21:00, at which time the concert was to begin.
arrived more or less on time. And in the square in front of the camp restaurant, there were already many teens as we prepared to sing and get excited for this fantasy event that was the only type of entertainment we had in Cala Gonone at the time.
I'm short-sighted for many years. I think I remember buying my first pair of glasses when I was in seventh grade. In 1993 he was not wearing contact lenses and I did not go around with glasses because the glasses make me sweat. So I went to sti concerti, gridavo come una pazza, ma non vedevo minimamente le facce dei membri del Mucchio Selvaggio.
L’unico che avrei potuto riconoscere, era Antonello Caciotto, il cantante, perché mi mettevo proprio di fronte a lui, o al massimo un po’ sulla sinistra. Chi stava dietro, per me era solo una serie di colori. E Ale era spesso una camicia a scacchi bianco-nera, o quadretti rosso-verdescuro. Oppure una maglietta nera con le maniche stracciate. Ma la sua faccia, non riuscivo a focalizzarla.
Bene, un’estate magnifica conclusasi con i ringraziamenti del Gruppo ai miei 1000watt. E è stato il giorno del ringraziamento che ho finalmente dato un volto a tutti gli altri.
Non vidi più nessuno Bunch up to Easter 1994 and it was there that I began to write and Ale. He lived in Milan. I was one of those sardines that was never out of Sardinia. I had never even seen a port where boats leave for the "continent" or an airport. For me, the world ended with the boundaries of Sardinia. Besides Sardinia, there was nothing.
Sardinia is the place where I grew up, is my home, my land is my incubator, it is my umbilical cord and all of my first 20 years, I never thought of leaving. Until I realized that all this living in the same way from a life without having the real hopes or plans for my future, derived its by the fact that I had never set foot out of Sardinia.
Once you have your diploma, my mother wanted me to do the School of Social Work, Nuoro. Not because he saw in me the spirit of Red Cross and an innate tendency to help others, something that anyone would notice me, but because he was the only choice as you did in Nuoro, or did you do this or Forestry. That there I was going to do in the woods? Said my mother.
I was informed, but frankly did not want to frame me for three years in a choice only because it was the only choice. Nuoro I felt that I was close, but I was terrified of leaving. I felt that I did not want to go for the maid restaurants in the summer, and nothing else. My sister did it and my hat, but I never liked what he has become as a result of certain incidents that have occurred in accommodation made available to employees. Well, I did not want to settle for what Sardinia, which in my case was reduced to Nuoro and Cala Gonone, offered me. The idea of \u200b\u200bthe barista, baby-sitter, maid for life, not lured me at all. It was inherent in me such a pessimism that I told myself that if I finished school social workers, I never found a job after three years, relevant to my studies, but I was forced to agree to do other things.
I told myself that if I did the university, I wanted it away from Sardinia, to prove myself elsewhere, and compared with other mindsets. Growing up in Sardinia is something wonderful that no one can understand if it is not grown there. A Sardinian grows with awareness of the value to be attached to anything, grows with your feet on the ground, a land where everyone dreams of having roots. Here, roots. Our feet are firmly rooted to the ground. And 'why is it so difficult for us Sardinian get away without suffering from Sardinia.
When we take a boat or a plane to take off elsewhere, there is a tear in us so painful that every departure is a fountain of tears.
Sardinia is a place where relationships between people eat from day to day life, stories, experiences, encounters, excursions, tours, walks, playing with telephones because you are suddenly gone and you want to see, phone calls to all hours, of which there is no privacy because you live in the family and the friendships that were born in Sardinia are original and have strong roots.
Although I loved my country so much, I felt suffocated and had to find a way to go. Leaving, for a Sardinian always means back, because the roots and call it heartbreaking.
Meet Ale was my springboard. And so it was the first time I realized how powerful it may be the forza dell’amore. Per amore si trova il coraggio di superare i propri limiti e il proprio egocentrismo per abbandonare un IO e diventare un NOI, per abbandonare un luogo che non sembra più essere fonte di stimoli e partire alla ricerca di nuovi.
L’avventura è iniziata attraverso l’incontro con la sua famiglia. Una famiglia unita e pregna d’amore. Una famiglia dove tutti sono amati da tutti. E tu, estranea, devi riuscire a farti amare pure tu. Ci tenevo tantissimo a entrare a far parte di questa famiglia. Me ne sentivo respinta, ma solo perché era un modo di vivere in famiglia completamente distante dal modo in cui ero abituata.
Il fatto che tutti partecipassero a qualsiasi tipo di discussione, mi disorientava, perché io ero talmente abituata alla mia privacy, a discutere delle mie cose solamente con l’interessato che sentivo minata la mia individualità.
Ma ero innamorata e pronta a provare questa nuova esperienza. Se loro erano così felici, probabilmente lo sarei stata pure io. Non sarei certo morta di troppo amore o troppo interesse per quel che mi capitava.
Il primo a accettare il mio ingresso in questo nucleo familiare, fu Paolo. Mi ricordo ancora il giorno esatto. C’era un falò in spiaggia. Io e Ale non eravamo ancora fidanzati, ma eravamo sulla buona strada. Paolo aveva 14 anni e aveva bevuto qualche bicchiere di vino di troppo. Di ritorno dal falò abbiamo corso insieme lungo la spiaggia. Questa corsa per me è stato il rito di accettazione, perché quella sera disse a Ale “Però, simpatica quella tua amica”!
Avevo già avuto un contatto con le cugine, per cui si, loro mi avevano già apprezzata prima ancora che conoscessi Ale. Quella corsa con Paolo, non sapevo certo che sarebbe stata l’inizio di una lunga serie di riti di iniziazione.
A fine estate ci fu la sfilata del Redentore, a Nuoro. Era il 28 agosto 1994. Io sono andata a Nuoro perché dovevo accompagnare il gruppo di Muravera per tutto il percorso della sfilata. E Ale venne a vedermi sfilare. La sera, di ritorno a Cala Gonone, sancimmo l’inizio della nostra storia, con una magia di pochi secondi avvenuta ai cessi pubblici, davanti all’hotel Bue marino.
In pochi giorni mi ritrovai catapultata in un mondo nuovo.
Incontro sua madre e incontro il nonno. L’incontro col nonno fu parecchio tenero. Mi ricordo che eravamo in camera di Juana e lui entrò con le sue pantofole che strisciavano sulla moquette, mi strinse la mano e disse “piacere”. E uscì strisciando dopo aver detto “con permesso!”.
Chi disse “con permesso”? Fu l’inizio del chi disse. Ogni membro della famiglia di Ale è oggetto di osservazione dagli altri membri, e ogni volta che dici o fai qualcosa di bizzarro, entri nella storia del “chi disse” o “chi fece?”. Ogni cosa che going on inside that house is full of the spirit of love and union. Even when children are opposed to her mother, feels that with love and let live you understand their experiences.
meeting with his mother was the real test. A woman so smart, intelligent, attractive, nice and even funny at times, I was scared. The terror was not to be at its height. I basically was just one exit from accounting, who had decided not to continue education in Nuoro because there was no choice and had no intention of going to Cagliari and Sassari because she was convinced that would have been a bit of Nuoro 'largest but always Nuoro.
I could not please her, I dicevo. Non potevo entrare in questo nucleo familiare perché non sarei mai piaciuta alla signora madre. Questo essere straordinario, quasi fuori dall’umano, era così irraggiungibile per me. Eppure, con il tempo, con i mesi e con gli anni, in qualche modo, diventai sua figlia. E’ così che mi ha fatta sentire. Il fatto che suo figlio mi amasse, la portava di riflesso a amarmi e farmi sentire parte di quel tutto che tanto mi sembrava lontano dal mio modo di vivere.
Per 7 anni ho avuto una splendida famiglia sarda, numerosa, in cui ogni membro aveva la sua buona parte di “chi disse”, e ognuno poteva fare dell’ironia sull’altro perché è così che si fa nelle famiglie unite, in cui each had its definite place as an individual but also as part of the whole.
Another difficult character, was the uncle Peppe. Yes, I will not forget the sweat poured in every match. This uncle has a tendency to embarrass anybody, and if it does not come to understand that it is a game and do not give them due weight, you may be suffering a lot. And I have suffered a lot for a while, so let's not forget that I'm basically shy, and also insecure, until Ale and the whole family taught me to give proper weight to better observe and understand that behind the bear was a bear. And the uncle accepted me.
Ale's mother was the first person in my life let me note that I am a bit 'stiff. Rigid in the sense that I have my beautiful set of principles which will hardly run. At the time I was much more than it is now, but even today, even here in Dakar, I am told they are too strict with myself and then also with others.
This criticism helped me a lot. I learned how to better observe and I learned that often I could let it go to make life less difficult. My tendency to dissecting everything that happens, I have never abandoned, but I learned to observe more objectively and with more lightness. I believe that the family of Ali was for me a fantastic school.
The choice to leave for Milan, was due to this family that I was filled with new ideas and want to know. And had it not been for them, I never left Nuoro. And who knows, maybe I would have fulfilled the dreams of my mother, I would become a social worker or I would have married someone who works in a bank.
All great dreams come true when there is someone that gives you good reason to pursue them and do your best to come true. Alone can not be chasing dreams. We need others because so much work as we would like. From the family of Ale I learned to stop thinking for myself and started thinking for the group. Over time your stopped thinking only of myself and I have dedicated myself to others, becoming a social worker without a diploma. I realized that I'm happy if those around me is happy. And if I can make a small gesture to help the enjoyment of those who love you, I make two small gestures. Perhaps it is not just a philosophy of life, but if it gives me happiness, I continue to cultivate it. The end result is, however, I think to myself.
Living in Milan for 15 years I have changed back to a person who was beginning to close in itself, a life for herself, and forget the value of family and other people. As in Milan had a huge amount of people I loved and who loved me, in recent years I began to feel that feeling of suffocation, date from the things that were repeated all the same, all in the same way, all states with the cadence and annoying, with no news, without stimuli, with no more reasons for joy.
In 2006 I left for Kenya, as well, by chance, for a series of bad coincidences that took me from myself. And in Kenya have found the family of Ale. I can say that I opened my eyes. Every trip to Kenya that followed has been therapy for me to recover dall'intorpidimento Milan. 6 trips for two and a half years, I cared. And I understand that Milan was no longer my city. Maybe I could go back to Sardinia. But in reality I needed to get back again to the test by zero, in another part of the planet.
I tried working in Kenya, to no avail. As long as in any case, I realized that Kenya was a country too dangerous for a white woman who had decided to move there alone.
And so I left for Senegal. In December 2008 I took my first flight to Dakar. The thing that surprised me at the airport was the huge amount of Senegalese was to take my own plane. It was then that I realized that the Senegalese love their country as I love Sardinia, and need to return, even if its just for a vacation, because their roots call them at home, at least once a year.
But like me to Sardinia, Senegalese in their country do not see any possibility to have a good future, a good job, good pay. Senegal becomes the emigrants in Europe, a place to come back every now and then, the symbol of the family who stayed home to wait, the place where they grew up and where they can not return if they have no way of guaranteeing the future to all those who remained and who rely on them.
I sometimes think back to live in Sardinia. But what could I do there? I am 35 years old, and 35 years is no longer a job, even if you've made a lot of experience.
and marry them? Who the Sardinian seize a 35-year-old has not even lived in Sardinia and who does not speak Sardinian? I may start to believe that a Sardinian can give me the happiness I seek? Stop thinking that you left them anchored to the rocks, such as Malavoglia, never seeking stimuli elsewhere? But what do I know the Sardinians?
Here I found another family in Senegal. A family in which all are always present and there are moments of intimacy. A family in which everyone is aware of what happens to everyone. Where have all discussed the problems of others, but where to avoid talking about their good. Where sharing is about everything and is compulsory for all. Where the figure of the great mother is replaced by the big sister. But we're very careful, it's always a woman. The figure who most fear is always a donna. Questo perché resto convinta del fatto che tutte le grandi famiglie si basano su quel che una grande donna ha investito su di esse.
La famiglia di Salif è una famiglia numerosa. Sua madre ha avuto figli con 3 mariti diversi. E i padri di questi figli hanno avuto altri figli con mogli diverse. Per cui fratelli e sorelle acquisiti e non, abbondano. La famiglia senegalese mi ricorda moltissimo la famiglia sarda, con la sola differenza che il livello di profondità delle relazioni che si instaurano tra i membri della famiglia sarda è nettamente superiore al livello di profondità delle relazioni che si instaurano tra i membri della famiglia senegalese. Qui in Senegal parlare di profondità delle relazioni umane è possibile solo in alcune rare exceptions. I can say that the relationships that you have here are numerous, everyone becomes someone you know, you know, but only at a superficial level.
I can say that I try to know me completely. I'm not afraid of being judged by others. My being so sincere, it is a force. I'm not afraid of anyone's opinion because of my conduct, modesty aside, is irreproachable. And even if you commit mistakes, I'm not afraid to admit it. Quite the contrary, I admit, and also wonder how to avoid it again.
I do not hide. And 'that's my strength. I do not run away. I do not pretend to not doing anything wrong if I did. I do not do anyone, consciously, what non vorrei venisse fatto a me. Per cui non ho paura del giudizio degli altri e mi apro totalmente.
Ma qui tutti temono di raccontarsi, di dire come stanno realmente le cose, come vivono le loro giornate, per paura del pettegolezzo, per paura del giudizio di chiunque, per paura che Dio non approverebbe, per paura che se non si segue quello che fanno gli altri, si verrebbe esclusi dalla comunità. La fiducia tra le persone qui manca. E si respira un profondo senso di solitudine benché tutti vivano in comunità, e tutti condividano ogni istante della giornata con qualcuno.
Qui non esiste che una persona decida di passare la giornata chiusa in camera a leggere un libro, a meno che in camera non ci siano anche altre persone. Qui you are afraid of loneliness, of being alone with themselves. Did you fear that others go on without you. So do not waste the chance to be together doing nothing, but together, drinking tea thousand times a day, but not by yourself.
alone will not do anything. Even if the person with whom you do something you do not know in depth, the important thing is not that something to do alone. If you watch a movie in your room, do not you look at yourself, if you smoke a cigarette, do not smoke alone, if you take a barrel, do not you do it only if you have to do anything that you could do this myself, always looking company.
I wonder if this need for a company, whatever it is, simply hide the failure to bear the helplessness in the face of so much injustice dished up by a government unable to meet the needs of its citizens, the inability to find stimuli that develop your individuality than your neighbor, the inability to do something for yourself without force to show others the result of what you do. Why is this innate need to show someone you're not there to do nothing? Why not take advantage of all these moments of sharing to learn more about others around you?
There are so many gatherings here in Dakar. Being alone does not exist. Even if you're in the phone, you are obliged to greet everyone you meet the street and ask him how he is and if you answer calls as it is, and what is on the phone with you, he must wait. No matter what.
Yet we breathe in every corner of solitude. When you graduate with a fast car, look at the faces of all those who are out of their warehouse, sitting waiting for someone to stop to ask for information about their merchandise, or to request any information, and read in those eyes tiredness for a situation that never changes, resignation to the hours when nobody will, sadly for not having someone to share thoughts sad. Yeah, if you are sad because no one can accept that.
How can you afford to be sad and let us know, if we are on a canoe that is made worse than yours but do not you say?
would all be easier if the share was also a sharing of pain, joy, projects, and broken dreams to be realized, and hopes.
's the difference between the family and the family of Ali Salif. The Sardinians have their feet on the ground, but marching head-on with his heart in his hands. The Senegalese marching head up, feet in the clouds, hiding the heart where nobody can find it.
